a moment of inspiration

I have been on emotional roller coaster ever since my daughter was diagnosed with a heart problem two days ago. A part of me want to run away for a few days clear my head and emotions... but no, I won't do that. Running away means that when I come back, the problem would still be there. A part of me wants to take the problem heads on. However, there are some things that cannot be forced upon and will have to wait.

One of those things that will have to wait is the treatment of my daughter (some heart doctor says it's a "treatment" other says it's a "surgery"... Treatment sounds nicer so let's use that, shall we?). One of her veins near the heart are leaking and needs to be blocked, however, the diameter of her veins is 5mm and the ring (blocker) sizes are 3mm and 8 mm, so, we will have to wait until she is older and her veins is getting bigger. We just need to hope that there will be no incidents during our wait.

Yesterday, as I was praying, another emotion came into me. If it was up to me, I really don't want my infant daughter to go through all this. An emotion of tremendous love for my daughter and my whole being was literally screaming to God, if I can take the pain for her, I would take it. Not that I would be braver, at least I am bigger, and compared to her, I am the one who deserve to suffer. (she has no sin, and I.... go figure)

With that thought, the realization of God's grace came into me. If I, who are human, can love my daughter this much, then God's love is a million times more than my love to my daughter. If I can say that I want to replace my daughter if possible... Jesus is taking all of our sins upon the Cross so that we can be saved. And what's crazy, I want to replace my lovable, cute, adorable, beautiful and sinless daughter (you get the idea), Jesus wants to replace ME? This hard headed and cold hearted sinner??? Are you kidding me?

No kidding, that's how big his love is!