Most people who have been in touch with me know that I have an extremely heavy addiction to caffeine. I have been drinking coffee since I was a fourteen years old boy trying to pass the exams by pulling all nighters. I am 31 years old now, so it has been seventeen years of dependence to coffee.
My families and friends have tried to talk me into quitting, or reducing, my caffeine intake. My usual portion was four mugs of thick, black coffee with little sprinkle sugar every day. I usually just brushed them off by laughing heartily. I knew I was addicted, but I just did not want to quit my addiction. I loved my addiction. Having a mug full of coffee beside me while I was working or doing anything that needed concentration was like my security blanket.
I knew that I would have to quit someday, really. In fact I had tried quitting/reducing several times before with no result because my willpower in this case were too weak. Once I tried to reduce my coffee into one cup a day, and I succeeded, however, I also drank eight cups of black tea on the side. When my toilet started to smell like tea (go figure), I realized that it was not working.
Seriously, I still had an intention to quit… one day. I just didn’t like the idea of being dependent on anything or anyone but God. I didn’t like the idea that I have another security blanket but the Holy Spirit. So, it’s just a matter when I would like to quit and a big HOW.
Here’s how:
My health state has been on a roller coaster ride for the past two weeks. First, I was rushed to the emergency room with a food poisoning. Soon after I had recovered, I caught the flu.
My first reaction when I started feeling the flu symptoms was my usual “Why God… why” tantrum. However, I tried to be positive and do my best to recover, which requires a discipline to actually rest from work. Yes, it is very, very hard to take a break from work, especially because I consider myself as a knowledge worker who can just work from anywhere without the necessity of office documents nor equipments. However, I will have to manage a training program next week and I know I could not afford to run it while recovering. So I really had to recover this week.
Thank God that for the most part, I have recovered from the flu.
You know what else I thank God about? I am actually free of my caffeine addiction!!
Don’t get me wrong, I had caught various illnesses that requires me to stop drinking coffee for a while before. However, after I recovered, usually I started to drink my usual intake again. This time, somehow I just did not.
Why this time?
Honestly, I don’t know.
I think all would agree that I had a strong willpower with regards to quitting coffee. After all, I have resisted the sweet temptation of quitting all these years. So, what gives this time?
It was totally God’s perfect power and timing.
I have relied on my willpower and my timing, obviously that did not work. What finally worked was God’s willpower and God’s timing. I just responded. That’s the beauty of it. I could not claim anything as my own effort. It was totally God’s.
We know God’s work by its fruit. The difference between my own effort and God’s effort is immense. Every time I tried to quit with my own power, I was miserable. The world seemed bleak and I just did not want to deal with the headache and drowsiness that comes with the cravings.
This time, I was doing it joyfully, and you know, I was excited about it. Yes, there were cravings, headaches, and drowsiness. However, somehow this time I believed that they would pass.
And you know what? They did.
These past few days I realized that even though I still have cravings, they are not accompanied with headaches nor drowsiness. My cravings was for the enjoyment, not for the addiction.
And the fruit of this whole experience is a tremendous sense of joy. A newfound freedom. It is as if I am a slave who have just been told that I am free to do as I will. I no longer worry about not having enough caffeine. I no longer feel the need of having a mug full of coffee all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I still love coffee. I realized that by not addicted, I love coffee even more. Weird, isn’t it? When I drink coffee now, my enjoyment is multiplied. It is as if God is enjoying it with me. I no longer just enjoying His creation, I am enjoying Him.
I still have a tremendous craving, only that my craving now is more focused to the One who are supposed to be my addiction: God. Yes, I only want to addicted to God. Addicted to my Lover!
# posted by indra : 5:04 PM
